A Snippet of Yoga Thought

“Bring your awareness to your lungs. Fill them with air and feel your rib cage expanding, your collar bones moving, your shoulders pulling apart. Allow the breath to fill up your entire body, creating awareness and… blah blah blah blah …and into Downward Facing Dog.”

Oh, whoops.

“Float your right leg into the air and imagine it touching the back of the room’s wall…”

Imagine if my leg could really stretch like that, like Gumby, and everyone stopped breathing and was totally blown away by my crazy-ass leg moves.

“…then into warrior 2…”

Wait, what’s Jackson doing? Ok ok. Get into that position. God, I must look really, really good doing this. Look how straight my right arm is! I’m a ballerina in a forward lunge. 

“…and then move your awareness to your knees, making sure not to over extend. If at any time you need to stop please pause and catch your breath in Child’s Pose. We’ll be holding here for…”

My cleavage is INSANE. 

“…breathing in…”

If I ever wore a corset my boobs would be popping out all over the show.

“…and moving with your breath, flow…”

I need to fart. 

“…hold here for a minute, using ujjayi breathing technique, imagine you are fogging up a mirror with each breath…”

If I really relaxed, would it be silent enough for me to get away with it? Or should I wait for the OM at the end? 

“…and bring your awareness to your practice, allowing the thoughts to come and go…”

That guy sucks at this. Like, really, really sucks. He looks like a new born calf trying to walk with three legs.

“…bending forward and holding your toes.”

Ohhhhh my butt’s in the air! RED ALERT. Heh. Hi Jackson. Wink. I bet you have no idea what I’m thinking… or maybe you do…

“…then find a comfortable position on your sits bones…”

Why are they called sits bones? I’ve only heard that term in Yoga class. 

“…and breathing in to finalize your practice…”


“…inhale and on the exhale release a long …OM.”



January 25, 2015 at 8:47 pm by Natalie Allen