How I Will Never Be a Match for a Good Christian Man

A friend of mine recently posted a blog to an article titled: “10 Women Christian Men Should Not Marry.” Being curious I clicked the link and read how, one by one, I am the epitome of the the worst characteristics of a good “christian” woman. And also the writer is so close-minded my head hurts. So I thought I’d rip his ideology to shreds.

1. The Unbeliever

Over my childhood I had been brought to many churches, especially along with my Florida Cousins whom I would spend summers with. Every Sunday and Wednesday we’d go to church and bible study where adults would read scripture and tell us all about the hell that anyone who wasn’t in church with us would experience once they died. I remember asking about my grandparent’s souls. I always thought of my grandparents as two of the most giving, thoughtful and helpful people I’d ever met: surely they’d have a place inside The Pearly Gates? Repeatedly I’d be told that unless they accepted Jesus they’d burn in hell for all eternity… and that’s where the seeds of incredulity took root. The roots never stopped growing and now, I fear for all Christian men who apply for marriage, that I am a full blown atheist. I can’t worship in a religion that has no room for truly good people just because they can’t accept a message a really decent and great guy passed along several thousand years ago.

2. The Divorcee

Well… technically I haven’t even married yet, so I can’t speak to this personally. However, both of my Mothers are now remarried after divorces and if my Dads had listened to this crap no one would be remarried and happy and my family would have been miserable. I mean… c’mon. I’m not a divorcee, though, so I guess I’m still fair game for a “good christian man.”

3. The Older Woman

What a load of crap. I can’t even speak to how stupid this is. I know of one VERY christian couple who got married this past summer and the wife is 25+ years the husband’s senior. Is that a deal for hell? I’m not an “older woman”… yet.

4. The Feminist

ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE. I AM A FEMINIST. ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BE TREATED EQUALLY REGARDLESS OF SEX. (I don’t care that it says I should “submit” to my husband in the Bible).

5. The Sexy Dresser

I can’t even. What does that mean? In the post the writer quotes verse and details how a man must not be snagged by a good pair of round, perky, supple, young tits (I’m paraphrasing a little…). I imagine he’s got a whole journal filled with all the “sexy” things a good Christian woman should not wear and probably studies that every night just so he’s prepared to avoid it when he sees the clothes in real life. Maybe he should invest in a Burka store?

6. The Loud Mouth

I am one. Christian Men should stay away from me!!!!

7. The Child Hater

I must love children so I can bear 15 of them… right?

8. The Wander-Luster

OH NOOOOOOOO!!! I’m screwed!! If I ever had ANY interest in a “Good Christian Man” I’d have to give up my yearning to travel and open my mind for the sake of an occasional family vacation to the creationist museum?? If everything else wasn’t already totally screwed, this would be the straw to break the camel’s back.

9. The Career Woman

Hey, if you want to work for us both and pay all the bills while I stay at home and do nothing but eat cookies and work on projects I want to do… I’d be fine with that. Maybe this “Good Christian Man” thing isn’t ALL bad.

10. The Devotion-less Woman

Again. I have no relationship with Jesus. And, oh “Good Christian Man”, apparently not you either. I’m a TERRIBLE choice for you.

 

You know what’s also a terrible choice? Believing what this author had to say as truth.

January 18, 2015 at 7:02 pm by Natalie Allen