Tits McGee and Butts O’Flannigan

Tits McGee and Butts O’Flannigan were sitting down to lunch.

They hadn’t seen each other in years.

“You look great.” Said Tits.

“No, you look great.” Said Butts.

Tits only shrugged, her bright orange shirt jingling with rhinestones. Butts shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

Tits leaned over and read the menu, her large bosoms heaving. Butts stared at the tits on Tits. She thought the tits looked like a butt. She said nothing. Only making a fart noise with her repressed laugh.

“What?” Implored Tits, looking up from the menu, her many jangles jingling. She was feeling rather sorry for Butts who looked like she’d gained weight since they last saw each other.

“Oh, nothing.” Replied Butts, suddenly feeling like a tool for laughing at Tits.

“Well, if it’s a funny joke I’d love to hear it.” Challenged Tits, her chest heaving and her sparkling necklace catching the light and dazzling Butts momentarily.

“It’s not funny, just a thought I had and now it’s gone!” said Butts. She started to sweat, remembering why she didn’t like Tits. Tits was a dumb. Tits was nothing without a good push-up bra.

Tits McGee rolled her eyes. “Where’s the waiter?” She complained.

Butts shifted her weight and tried to flag one down with her eyes. The Waiter was busy across the room, and didn’t notice the attempt.

“I’ll get him.” Said Tits. A cacophony of sound from her bangles accompanied her arms as she raised her hand, her prodigious female pillows peeling off the table and heaving in the air  momentarily. McGee’s bright orange shirt stretched uncomfortably across her double D’s. A waiter appeared, as if dropped in from a hole in the ceiling.

“Can I get anything for you? Um. Ladies?” The Waiter asked, awestruck.

Tits let her heavily darkened eyes fall to the menu. The waiter allowed his eyes to fall to Tits’ cavernous cleavage. Butts’ eyes watched the waiter watch the tits on McGee.

“You’re embarrassing me.” Blurted Butts.

“What? You’re embarrassing me!” Said Tits, looking up from the menu, angry.

The waiter waited.

“He’s only over here because you’re just a pair of big bouncy boobs!” Said Butts.

“And you’re jealous!” Said Tits.

“I hate you!” Said Butts.

“You’re fat!” Said Tits.

“You’re chest looks like butt cheeks!” Spat Butts.

The two shook in anger. The slight tinkle of the earring Tits was wearing was the only sound.

“This was a mistake.” Said Tits.

“A big one.” Said Butts.

“No. You’re the big one!” Snapped Tits. “I don’t care that we were a team once. We’re done.”

“Yup.” Agreed Butts.

The Waiter willingly walked away.

“Well, I tried.” Said Tits.

I tried.” said Butts.

“Bye, Butts.” Said Tits, heaving herself up to stand.

“Bye, Tits. Maybe next time.” Said Butts.

The two walked out of the restaurant. The Waiter watched the tits on Tits walk. “Women: Hate to see them go, but love to watch them leave.” He said, and chuckled.

Then, a hole in the ceiling opened, and a grand piano hit him, killing him instantly.

 

 

 

October 23, 2013 at 2:57 am by Natalie Allen