Sorry, Not Interested.

What? I can’t hear you over the music! My friends are over there, yeah. I’m not alone… What was that? Sorry. I need to go and pretend like I’ve got an important question my friends want me to answer. I don’t care about what whisky you’re drinking. Byeeee.

One Magners please. Um, I see you staring at my butt. Uh huh. You want to know all about me, huh? Like my interests and stuff? Oh and you’re only over here because you want to say hi because you got a promotion today!? Wow. That’s sooooo great. And that’s your brother over there? Yeah, he’s… he looks nice in that stained Devil’s jersey. Ok, I need to go and wander over to the other side of the bar now.

Hey, bartender? I need another Magne– Oh no. Not you again. Yup, butt’s still attached to me. And I’m still not interested. I am going home alone tonight. Gotta’ go.

I’m really enjoying myself! This party is fun! I’m getting buzzed. This hard cider is yummy. Woah. You’re pretty drunk. Your eyes are lingering on me a bit too long. Isn’t your girlfriend here? I’ll check my phone even though I know I have no new texts and the only phone call I had today was from my Dad.

Yeah I LOVE doing that thing that you said you love to do! Oh wow. We have so much in common! I’m going to touch my chest and fluff my hair a lot as I talk to you. I’ll even put my hands on my hips and try and look a little vulnerable and shy so you don’t feel threatened in your manliness. Fuck. I feel fake. I’m going to trail off in a sentence and wander away.

I’m done. I’m pretty buzzed. I’m in a cab now, going home alone. No new texts, no weird drunk messages. Just me. I’d rather be honest and comfortable in my single-ness, than fake, uncomfortable and weird with someone I don’t really like or know.

See you soon, bar scene.

January 17, 2013 at 9:21 pm by Natalie Allen