Honest Bitches and Mouse Killers

1. Running While it is Raining Out

I’m soaked. I’m sweating. I’m determined to get home. I’ve got Kanye West blasting in my ear buds. I run up to my front steps, take out my phone and see I’ve run an extra ten minutes more than I thought. Fuck. Yeah.

2. Bitches Gotta Be Honest

Being a “Bitch” doesn’t suit me, but I do like how honesty does, so if I have to be a bitch (a stand-up-and-commit-to-something woman, who can’t be pushed around too much by other people otherwise nothing will get done) I will be an honest one. And I’m grateful for the strength to learn how to do that.

3. Blasting Show Tunes at The End of a Shift

Rough shift at work? Put on Disney’s Greatest hits and sing “Reflections” from Mulan at the top of your lungs. Go on. Play that obnoxious version of “I Can Show You The World” from Aladdin! I can’t think of a better way to blow off steam from a particularly ridiculous night of crap from people who work with you and people you are serving, than to scream “Colors Of The Wind” as if you were an academy award winning broadway opera singer. Then, if you get the chance, I highly recommend grabbing someone else who also is familiar with all the songs you grew up with and then sing a duet with them. Maybe slam some shots of Makers Mark first, just to get the ball rolling.

4. Impromptu Massages

Oy. I feel worn out from work. Wait. What? Are you seriously giving me a shoulder massage? Oh. Oh yeah. Okay. You are scoring MAJOR points. I will remember this.

5. The Annoying Cat Killing a Mouse

So, she pees in my closet, sheds on my bed, tracks kitty litter all over the apartment, but thankfully, she killed a mouse. It was epic. She was stalking something in the corner for about 10 minutes, then there was a chase, and then a pounce! And I walked over to see what all the commotion was about and just about jumped 10 feet into the air. A MOUSE! GROSS! And then: Oh my god, Ninji, you killed it. Wow. Good Girl! Thank you so much! I don’t know what I would have done if I had seen that thing and you weren’t around. I probably would have freaked out and then called a boy I knew to come over and trap it and get rid of it. I guess I owe you a big pat on the back. Thanks.

December 10, 2012 at 9:33 pm by Natalie Allen