Apocalypse

My apocalypse has nothing to do with earthquakes or asteroids or nuclear death. Instead: I imagined that the end of the world would be a crushing wave of zombies that corrodes and destroys all that I hold near and dear. Now that I’ve plowed through the entire comic series of “The Walking Dead” and have read “World War Z” I feel less frightened about a zombie plague and, instead, more curious about a hypothetical “end of the world” situation. What would I do if I had no “tomorrow” to worry about?

I would eat everything I have ever wanted to eat

When I was a kid, I had a fantasy about walking in to a kitchen and having the entire place filled with everything I have ever wanted to chow down on. I would somehow compile all of the ingredients that I would want to see: Lobster Tails, Cream Puffs, Filet Minion, Pad Thai, Mashed Potatoes, Turkey, Pizza and Ice Cream, etc… and I would go about trying to eat all of it. I’ve also always wanted to take really yummy food, like: Pizza and Ice Cream and put it in a blender and then try and drink the drink I had made. I know that sounds totally gross, but I would do it just to try it. End of the World and everything, right?

I would begin project: “say what’s on my mind to everyone on my mind”

I’ve always thought about the possibilities of having NO FILTER.¬†And that doesn’t have to be a bad thing! Hell, most of the time I find myself just ringing through a series of stupid commercial lyrics rather than thinking negatively or positively about someone in front of me. At the end of all humanity as we know it, though, I could call up everyone I’ve ever wanted to rant at and say everything and anything I want!

I’d rob a store.

Especially a fancy jewelry store! I’d take all of the jewels I could find and put them ALL ON. I’d pose in front of a mirror and pretend I was a princess.

I’ve always wanted to burn an entire building down.

I know this sounds sociopathic, and it is, but, like, if it were the end of the world… I would totally do it. Imagine the destruction! The flames leaping out of windows, the smell of burned wood and plastic! That entire building was burning to the ground because I threw several Molotov cocktails into the ground floor! I would watch the fire grow and consume. It would be pretty epic. (I promise: I won’t do this unless the world was, indeed, in the midst of an apocalyptic melt-down).

I might kick a dog…

Terrible. I’m a terrible human-being. But, sometimes, there are certain dogs that bark their fucking heads off (especially cute, nasty looking Chihuahuas) and when they do: I would put on the biggest, ugliest boots I could find and punt kick that little fucker across a baseball field. Then, I’d probably feel really bad about doing it, but by that point the world would end so I wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt for long.

The world has not ended, however. We are now in December 22nd in many parts of the world. I am very happy to report that I will not being burning down buildings or kicking innocent (yet sometimes, rat-like) dogs across any wide open spaces. A small price to pay for the gratefulness in knowing that another kick-ass year for me to enjoy will be coming in about a week.

December 22, 2012 at 7:16 am by Natalie Allen