A Re-Election

I watched Obama walk toward the podium and the rest of the bar I was in stilled. My group and I had just arrived from Times Square were we watched the election results come in as New Yorkers screamed at the top of their lungs. I drank down a Jameson and clapped my hands, heaving a sigh of relief. I thought back to the anticipation of the day, like the super-bowl of politics, everyone boasting about how long they had waited in line to vote and really cynical New Yorkers actively shitting all over people who hadn’t voted (no, not real poop, more like: “You┬ádidn’t Vote!? Oh my god. I really don’t want to meet you. No, really. You suck. You’re a piece of shit.” Truth: I actually heard that statement.)

Waiting in line to vote yesterday was pretty annoying. After I got home I checked my Facebook newsfeed and saw dozens of other friends also talking about how long it took to finally get to the booth and cast a ballot. I’m still not convinced that system accurately counts everyone. Especially since the margins between Mitt and Obama came down to such small numbers, I mean: What the hell? 30 thousand votes here, 20 thousand there, etc. My ballot was a big sheet of paper that I bubbled in and slipped into an envelope and the lady who took it thew it on a big pile and said “thanks!” as I walked out. I imagined, once the polls were done, all these blonde 20-something cheerleaders flooding the church I had voted in and tackling the massive pile of paper with a zeal found only in the anticipation of counting votes for the next Prom Queen. Except, there are like, millions of votes.

Back in Times square, a bunch of thoughts ran through my mind as I watched the election results roll in and the winner was still not solidified. Thoughts like:

A) I wonder what the families of both parties are doing all day? Business as usual? Or, are they all sitting in a room somewhere biting their nails?

B) What the hell would I explain to the people I met abroad if Mitt had won? “Yeah, sorry. I know Mitt’s policies would only be welcome in a place like Pakistan outside of the United States. But, I really can’t speak for the 50 million Americans who wanted him in office. Which is why I am here in sunny Beijing! Life just makes more sense here, you know? Haha! [insert witty comment in Mandarin]”

C) I feel like Mitt coming in to office would have been like if my Mom decided to date a creepy corporate christian guy just out of the blue and expected my sister and I to like him and have dinner with him every night. Ew.

D) Obama’s pretty hot.

E) Oh, and I like that my LBGT community here and everywhere in the States can hopefully look forward to an America that will accept their life choices without bias and discrimination. (I’ve kissed a bunch of girls, by the way, and although I would not consider myself a lesbian: I totally get the attraction to women as a woman.)

F) Mitt makes me think of the word “hit,” which makes me think of guns, which makes me think of death, which makes me want to drink: death is scary.

G) Michelle is hot.

I’ll remember the elections of Obama for years and years. It’s an incredibly influential presidency (not that any presidency isn’t, well… maybe William Henry Harrison’s presidency wasn’t: he was only in office 30 days before he kicked the bucket). The fact that Obama is still in office makes me proud to be an American in the eyes of the rest of the world. When Bush was in office, I wasn’t an American, I was a New Yorker because, God Forbid, if I had admitted to being an American when I was in India I might have gotten punched in the face. So: Here’s to another 4 years. And hopefully a second term that can bring both sides of the fence together in cooperation! (I’ve kissed republicans, and I gotta say, I totally get the attraction to them, too.)

November 7, 2012 at 6:43 pm by Natalie Allen