“Nat, just let it go.”
I have always had difficulties with “Letting Go” of issues. What the hell does “Letting Go” even mean?
I’m suddenly confronted with an issue; a MAJOR issue! An issue that trumps all other problems. I think about it constantly. I obsess over the possibilities of what could go wrong, what could go right, how will my life be changed, how will I handle another similar problem, etc. Sometimes, I can go days on end thinking about this subject. So, when someone (just an innocent bystander to my life) tells me to “relax, let it go” I want to throw my hands up and vent about how they couldn’t possibly know how much I have to deal with and how dare you try and tell me to relax!?! “Don’t you know about how difficult it is when my boss snaps at me!? He’s mad at me! He probably wants to make an example of me! Or Fire me! He hates me and wants to prove how much women have hurt him in his life so he is taking all of that out on me: I know it!”
And so it goes…
When I get that upset I find my chest tightening. I imagine that my rib cage closes into a defensive fort designed to block out all meanness and protect my heart from any attack. Yet, all I feel I accomplish is a really tight chest and a shortness of breath. So, what then? Has the problem been resolved? No. And I’m still worried and anxious and bothered.
There is an acting warm up I’ve been through a couple times when the person running the warm up will shout “…And now, release your assholes!” and as I’ve looked around the room I see a whole bunch of concentrated faces actively making an effort to relax their butts. “Yes, release all tension and breath, feel your sphincter become jelly, Ommmmm….”
Is that letting go? Its certainly a method of “releasing whats inside” that I do about once a day. But, in terms of actually making the effort to see the issue at hand, then acknowledge that it is an important issue, then decide how much energy I want to pour into it… That is the hard part.
Sometimes, I find myself sitting in bed, hunched over, picking at my nails and churning over a boy not texting me back as instantly as I believe I would him. He’s an asshole. He’s a jerk. He’s this, he’s that, etc. Then, as if I got tapped on the shoulder I’ll realize that that problem is really not my problem. It’s ok to feel upset, but I should Let it Go. Take a deep breath. Come out of that hunched pose. And relax.
My sister read me a great quote today about keeping a mind set of “everything is as it should be” that by keeping your mind in a state of the present, in a state of “all will work itself out” one can be a whole lot more relaxed. I don’t know if that’s what one could call “Letting Go” but for now, I’m concentrating on that method. Life’s too damn fun to be worried about the “what if’s and the who’s it– what’s it’s” that can plague me into becoming a scrunched, tense, psyched out version of myself.
And I wish I could create a blanket out of this philosophy and then drape it over the shoulders of the people in my life (or myself for that matter) I know are going through an anxious period, and say “Let it go. It’s OK. Relax. Everything will work out.” And *Poof!!* shoulders slump, forehead relaxes and butts release.
No one likes a tense asshole.
August 19, 2012 at 4:35 pm by Natalie Allen