An Argument With Myself
Me 1: Stop grabbing at your stomach and looking in the mirror! You have more important things to think about other than how fat you think you look.
Me 2: Oh but I used to be so skinny…
Me 1: You didn’t think so then either.
Me 2: No! No, I did…
1: Nope. You constantly looked at your stomach in the mirrors back then, too. Be nice to yourself.
2: But, I am the heaviest I have ever been. I feel so fat and blobby. Look at how my belly barely fits into these shorts I used to wear in High School.
1: So then don’t wear those shorts.
2: But, imagine if I could! I would be pretty skinny.
1: You wouldn’t think so, you’d just wish you were another size smaller until you just shrank into a tiny, bony, ain’t-no-one-will-fuck-you-cause-they-can’t-find-you body. Look at how beautiful you are! You’re gorgeous!
2: One eye is bigger than the other.
1: Oh man. That’s it. Walk away from the mirror. Walk away RIGHT NOW. I’m hungry.
2: I’m not. Nope. In fact, I kinda like that I haven’t eaten anything but a bowl of yogurt today. It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something.
1: You accomplished being hungry.
2: Barely any calories! If I ate like this for the next few days, I’d lose a TON of weight!
1: YOU DON’T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!
2: Oh, you’re just saying that to make me feel better. But I look at the girls on TV, and the one’s in the magazines, the ones who have no belly fat, like: they bend over and there is no roll, no nothing. They squeeze their tiny butts into cute shorts or sexy pants and walk around without having to worry about gross muffin-tops or any kind of jiggle. They’re the essence of beauty, and if I want to be in big motion pictures and be a famous, well respected actress, I’ll need to do that. I’ll need to be that skinny, to the point where my ribs stick out and I don’t need a bra to hold my non-existant tits.
1: You’d be so gross. I wouldn’t want to be around you. No one likes those girls.
2: Brad Pitt does.
1: Brad Pitt is a weirdo.
2: Yeah, he is.
1: Just continue being healthy, my love.
2: But I can’t stop feeling like people won’t want me because of how nasty my belly fat is when I sit down!
1: They don’t notice that, love. They’re there because of your smile and your personality and your ability to make people laugh. They’re there because of who you are. And you’re beautiful. Special. Wonderful.
2: Oh. You make me feel so good. Why can’t you make me feel this good all the time?
1: Just remember how lucky and wonderful you are, that’s all it takes. Everyone should remember how lucky and wonderful they are more. I think that way we could celebrate how individual and beautiful we all are.
….Now go eat something.
2: Okay. I’m gonna make myself that peanut butter and chocolate sandwich I’ve been craving all day and just feel guilty about it later.
August 3, 2012 at 2:18 pm by Natalie Allen