Awkward Friend(relation)ship?

Oh, Fuck.

I just said something that really hurt you, and I really said it unintentionally! I promise!

Oy. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. But, I won’t say sorry, I’ll just back peddle and try to compliment you a lot.

Does that feel better?

Can you tell I feel bad for making you feel bad without saying that I feel bad for making you feel bad out loud?

Complicated. Yes. Like our relationship, No?

Are we emotionally invested in each other more than what the standard opposite-sex friendship should be?
—–> I refuse to believe that we are (even though I know that we are).

Just stay away from me, ok? I’m going to unintentionally hurt you again by telling you about the guy I went out for dinner with, or what my Ex did recently or how I want to see that movie you want to see, but I want to see it with my sister, instead.

No, I’m too busy to hang out this week. Too busy to get dinner. Too busy to do anything, really!

Oh, Fuck.

I am so sorry.

I can’t sort out my feelings about you, and you’ll just have to forgive me for that, because frankly: I don’t want to lose your place in my life because it gives me a sense of worth that is entirely selfish sometimes. Oh, and there are qualities about you that I find irresistibly attractive, and yet I cannot get over my fear of ruining our friendship if, once I’ve decided that I will sleep with you, I am no longer attracted to you anymore and I don’t actually ever want to see you again because I’m reminded of how I feel horribly guilty about “trying you out” and then deciding that you were not what I wanted. And, I think you’re in love with me, but not really me, because (apparently) I can be very different in “relationship” mode, and you’re really close to me, so maybe that’s not who you really want and that’s a lot of pressure!

There. I said all of that with my eyes. And you know me so well, I’ll bet you picked up on that.

I need more girlfriends.

July 28, 2012 at 6:53 pm by Natalie Allen