Romps through a recycled Highline

Yesterday I went on my fourth blind date.

I’ll preface this with a couple of reasons as to why I am going on blind dates:
I decided that since the ex was getting married this month, and I’ve been single now for a year and a half, I should get myself “out there” and meet new people. Where do I meet these new people, though? I’m not a big drinker, I don’t go clubbing, I rarely sit in cafe’s for hours and people watch, and I don’t often get hit on by the customers I serve at my job. So: I decided to try the online dating bonanza that seems to hit people and start “1 out of 5″ relationships. Why can’t that happen for me?
I went on to for the first time three weeks ago and went on three blind dates through that service.
Guy #1: Zach
Me: So, what do your parents do?
Zach: My dad is an engineer and my mom has Parkinsons.
Me: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that! What does she do otherwise?
Zach: Parkinsons. (with no hint of irony, I might add)
Me: …So… She just sits around the house all day and has parkinsons?
Zach: Yeah.
Me: Well, you told me they just came to visit you up here in New York, so I guess she does that every now and then when she needs a break from all the Parkinsons she is doing all day.
Zach: Yeah, I guess so.
Guy#2 Sketckh (no, I did not misspell the name)
Me: So, Sketch is quite an unusual name–
Sk.: Yeah, haha! That’s a long interesting story…
Me: Oh, is it no–
Sk: …so when I was young I was dealing with a lot of issues and I would draw a lot, just whip out my pencil and sketch all types of things. Growing up it was just me and my mom, you see. Well one day I was sitting in an office, at school, haha… sketching… and my mom was sitting next to me and this guy, haha! This is funny: this guy comes up to me and my mom and says “well looks like we got a missus and a sketch” on our hands. And the name stuck ever since. But as I was growing up my drawings were getting more and more sophisticated and my mom told me that in order to be a more professional artist I needed to make a signature that was all my own, a way that no other artist could copy my work, and, being that I was only 10 at this point I just added a ‘K’ to my name. Pretty cool, huh? That’s kind of impressive for a 10 year old to come up with, haha! no one has my name and it is completely original and…
Me: Wow, sounds like you like to draw a lo–
Sk.: Oh yeah! I draw all the time, everywhere I go. Infact I like to go to comi-con conventions and walk around the art stalls, Haha! I can spend, literally, 800 dollars in one day at those things, it’s what I live for, I love supporting those artists…
Me: yeah those guys can really do good–
Sk.: yeah haha! They do great stuff. You know, it’s a funny story, Once…
Guy #3 Can’tevenrememberhisname
Me: Have you ever had Ethiopian food before?
Can’tname: No, I had Indian once.
Me: Oh! great, Ethiopian is very similar in a lot of ways. It’s a meal you eat with your hands.
Can’tname: Wow. That’s cool.
Me: What is your favorite food?
Can’tname: Oh, I like good food.
Me:…Such as?
Can’tname: You know, like, my mom cooks really good.
Me: (Pause) What does she cook that you like the most?
Can’tname: Chicken. Really good Chicken.
Me: Oh, ok! I like Chicken too. I’ve gone vegetarian though, so I haven’t had Chicken in a while! We can order some now if you like. This place has some great dishes. (I order some food) So, *Insert name here* what do you do for a living?
Can’tname: I’m in marketing for Food Network
Me: WOW! that’s awesome! What do you do for them?
Can’tname: Marketing stuff.
Me:…uh huh. (Pause) and what is it that you market?
Can’tname: well, we take a product, and we market it to a specific group of people that we think will like it.
Me: (Holy shit this guy is boring) …is that what you went to school for?
Can’tname: Yeah.
Me: Oh! Food! Here is the platter we ordered!
Can’tname: (Looks at the food as if looking at a pit falling deep into the chasms of the earth, probably someplace in Mexico that one has only seen in pictures) woah. How do you eat this?
Me: (deeply regretting the choice of cuisine) you tear off a piece of this pancake-like-bread, and you scoop up the food and pop it in to your mouth!
Can’tname: Wow.
After the first 3 duds, I decided to expand my search to other sites. I had heard about OKCupid! and a bunch of success stories from that site and decided to give it a try. I’ve now been on the site for 2 days and currently have 45 messages in my inbox and counting…
Guy #4: Josh
Me: (Walking along the Chelsea Highline on Manhattan’s West Side) So, what brought you to New York?
Josh: I’m a entrepreneur and am starting a business to help promote urban farming and sustainability.
Me: (WINNING!) Woah! you know, my dad and step-mom have a whole farm in their backyard in New Jersey. They’re all about that type of stuff. In fact, my dad wants to eventually be a completely sustainable farmer, living entirely off the land.
Josh: Wow, that is exactly what we are trying to promote.
Me: yeah, It’s really neat visiting out there, fresh veggies and such, it’s so nice to get out of the city sometimes, you know?
Josh: yeah, I split my time between going up to Rhode Island where I work on a farm up there with my business partner’s parents.
Me: oh yeah? That sounds cool.
Josh: Yeah, it is. I really like it up there.
Me: (realizing that this guy is really cool, but there is no chemistry. I relax a bit) Want to get a coffee and get out of the sun for a little bit? I’m sweating balls.
Stay tuned for more adventures in my life!
Next date coming very soon…

July 20, 2011 at 3:35 pm by Natalie Allen